If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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