Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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