You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
