i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
