I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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