i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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