My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
