just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
porn star boner night. come get it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
