Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
