i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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