I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
