Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
