end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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