i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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