So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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