Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
be right there i have to get my cape
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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