If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
