I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
