I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
