In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
