i think my tv is drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
