Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
