We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize