I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
