first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
