i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
