Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
