Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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