kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
