using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
