Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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