Its about making memories worth repressing
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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