I wish I only lived at night.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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