Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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