I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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