i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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