Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
