Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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