i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize