guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
