I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
