she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
