just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it penis luge time yet?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
