I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
