Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
