I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
