I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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