"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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