Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
