My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
