He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
