U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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