i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
