we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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