I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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