I heard we made out
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
