Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
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