it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
