Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this just has baby written all over it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
