Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
