I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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