Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
