I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
