i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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