Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize