We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
