OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
