I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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