Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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