Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
