plz talk dirty to me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
