i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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