this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
