It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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