Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
