I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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