So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
