Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
