I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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