you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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