cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
