Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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