Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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