in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
