I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
