we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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