fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
