Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
