i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
