I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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