Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
