its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
